How Evangelicalism Steals Adulthood From Followers
How Evangelicalism Steals Adulthood From Followers
The Inaugural Post
It seems like all the cool kids are out here starting their own Substack channels, so I thought to myself, why not? Let’s see what all the fuss is about. So let’s go!
For my first official post here on Substack, I wanted to begin with something memorable; I wanted something that would be compelling and capture the imagination of the masses. Something easy to digest and not too controversial.
So let’s talk about the infantilization of evangelicalism!
Wait… what?
For those who may have limited experience with American-style conservative evangelicalism, allow me to give you a bit of a primer.
Evangelicalism has a large spectrum of beliefs, so it’s hard to sum up every single one under the umbrella. You have progressive evangelicals, who have embraced more liberal values such as affirming theology, feminism, and social justice activism.
As these new and growing groups find their own voices, they are challenging the dominant evangelical perspective on political issues such as immigration and economic inequality.
For example, the Evangelical Immigration Table, established in 2014, has been working across a broad spectrum of evangelical churches and other institutions to highlight what they see as the biblical imperative to support a just and humane immigration policy. These groups range from the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention to the National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference.
In addition, younger evangelicals are increasingly coming of age in more diverse neighborhoods and schools, leading to an openness to other racial and religious groups, LGBT people and social justice issues in ways that older evangelicals strenuously opposed.
Daniel Merino, How a new generation is changing evangelical Christianity,
The Conversation
While these particular evangelicals are interested in engaging with the outside world and creating a bigger and more inclusive table where all are welcome, this is not the group that I am addressing in this blog post.
What I will address is the kind of evangelicalism that I, and many other millennials grew up in: one of authoritarianism that placed men at the top of the hierarchical structure created by church leaders like Bill Gothard, John MacArthur, James Dobson, and John Piper (among many many others).
This is the world in which children are taught to be seen, not heard, and to be unquestioningly obedient to their elders. It also taught women to shrink and submit to their husbands (or fathers and pastors if no husband is in the picture).
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Authoritarian Evangelicalism Robs Adherents of Autonomy
There are few millennials who didn’t experience that infamous sex-ed talk from teachers, pastors, or the books we were given to deepen our relationship with Jesus.
“The talk” took various forms.
Sometimes it was a stick of bubblegum, chewed up and spit out.
Sometimes it was a cup of water passed around the room for everyone to spit in.
Sometimes it was a rose whose petals were plucked, leaving it bare and ugly.
Whatever form the lesson took, the message was always the same: if you have sex outside of marriage, you will end up a disgusting and ugly shell that no one will want to touch.
They intentionally hacked into our disgust response to emotionally manipulate us into relating sex with something horrifying we would want to avoid. There was never an acknowledgement that sexual feelings are good and healthy. There was never any mention that most people (a whole other conversation needs to be had about the asexual spectrum, but that’s beyond the scope of this post) will find themselves wanting to go further than a kiss or a hug.
Consequently kids were not given the tools they actually needed to navigate those intense feelings:
A comprehensive education about sex. No matter how well kids are taught to abstain, there will always be kids who decide to have sex. Those are the kids who need to know their birth control options and how to have safe sex.
An understanding of their developing bodies. Kids deserve to understand what is happening in their own bodies as they reach sexual maturity. This is especially true for teenaged girls. As Sheila Gregoire once pointed out on her blog, boys grow up with an awareness of their bodies due to external genitalia, but girls don’t.
An understanding of boundaries: how to decide upon personal boundaries and how to enforce them. When churches decide for kids what their boundaries are supposed to be, they miss out on the chance to learn how to do that for themselves. Which means they will likely struggle with boundaries later on in life too.
This doesn’t just include teens - adults miss out on autonomy too.
In this world, the reigning view about community, family, and society at large is that men and women exist in a hierarchical structure that places men in charge of everyone else.
This movement taught men that they are the natural leaders of house, church, and world. This position of power is a God-ordained right. Here is how The Gospel Coalition describes complementarianism:
Essentially, a complementarian is a person who believes that God created male and female to reflect complementary truths about Jesus. That’s the bottom-line meaning of the word. Complementarians believe that males were designed to shine the spotlight on Christ’s relationship to the church (and the LORD God’s relationship to Christ) in a way that females cannot, and that females were designed to shine the spotlight on the church’s relationship to Christ (and Christ’s relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. - Mary Kassian, Complementarianism For Dummies
Take note of how this definition puts men in the Messiah/Saviour role, while placing women in the position of having to serve and submit to that Saviour figurehead. That’s not an accident. Women must submit and serve because men cannot do the same for women. Men must lead because women cannot lead men.
“Trusting women means also trusting them to find their way. This isn’t to say, of course, that I think women’s sexual choices are intrinsically “empowered” or “feminist.” I just believe that in a world that values women so little, and so specifically for their sexuality, we should be giving them the benefit of the doubt. Because in this kind of hostile culture, trusting women
is a radical act.”
― Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women
This belief system has led to, I believe, a system-wide breakdown in relationships in which men and women are stuck in roles that simply do not work for most people.
Women are stuck because we were created to serve and submit, so we naturally fall into the role of caretaking and running households. If we believe that a woman’s role is to be in the kitchen or in the nursery, it’s easy to see where extreme beliefs like the quiverfull and stay-at-home daughter movements come from.
Similarly, men remain stuck in roles in which they are expected to lead, no exceptions. Leadership is a calling and a need for men.
John Eldredge, author of the popular evangelical book, Wild At Heart, Says this:
“A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. He needs a mission, a life purpose, and he needs to know his name. Only then is he fit for a woman, for only then does he have something to invite her into.” - John Eldredge, Wild at Heart Revised and Updated: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul
Once the man has found his mission, which enables him to lead, then he is ready to invite a wife into his life to submit to his leadership.
God ordained men to lead, so when a man does not have leadership abilities - that’s a sign that he needs to get right with God. He must always have the confidence of a leader, always have the answers to every question, to live a life of certainty. If he falters, it would be seen as sin and a sign that he needs to pray more, study harder, and work even more to be the leader God called him to be.
Can you imagine what that must be like if you are a man with a meek temperament and zero desire to lead?
“The purity message is not about sex. Rather, it is about us: who we are, who we are expected to be, and who it is said we will become if we fail to meet those expectations.
This is the language of shame.”
-Linda Kay Klein, Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free
These gender roles also extend to expectations around sexuality.
Men are seen as inherently sexual beings who need access to sex to be able to function as the leaders God created them to be.
Women’s bodies are seen as inherently sexual objects to be used by the husbands.
Curiously, however, men in the conservative evangelical world are also framed as sexual predators who cannot contain themselves at the mere sight of a woman’s (or even a young girl’s) flesh. Is that really who we want leading every sector of the world?
Authoritarian Evangelicalism also robs people of their right to personal gender & sexual orientation
Think about it:
If your son was raised in this system, he likely grew up with a narrow understanding of what it means to be a man. Men are strong leaders and men are sexual beings (but only towards women).
To be gay is to be living in direct rebellion against the will of God which is to marry a woman and produce babies to raise on the straight and narrow path that leads to salvation.
But your son is gay. If he followed the path that the system pre-ordained for him, he would be suppressing his authentic sexual identity in order to appease a God who must come across to him as cruel. After all, if it were God’s will for him to marry a woman and have babies - why would he be born with an attraction to his own gender?
Sadly, this is a common story in this world.
Children’s author, Matthew Paul Turner, lived this story.
Pastor Matt Nightingale left his marriage in 2017 after giving himself permission to acknowledge his sexuality.
This issue isn’t just limited to sexual orientation. We’ve all heard the sermons and read the news stories of how this system treats those who identify as trans or gender non-conforming.
There is a built-in disgust for those who do not conform neatly to the cisgender and heterosexual roles created for straight men and women.
If someone lives outside the lines, they cannot be pushed into the expected gender roles. So what is an authoritarian community, built on rigid gender expectations, supposed to do with nonbinary, transgender, or genderfluid individuals? For many, the response has been campaigns of fear-mongering and hostility.
Influencer Celeste Irwin has been doing a ton of work raising awareness of what it means to be trans, particularly in a religious environment (this post is amazing!).
Billie is another trans woman whose ministry is to advocate for the T in LGBTQ+ and encourage other queer believers that they are beloved by God - something we won’t hear with regularity within the system.
Authoritarian Evangelicalism Robs Adherents of Personal Opinions
You likely see how these topics have us drifting closer and closer to the political realm.
Since 2016, the political arena has been the medium through which this branch of evangelicalism has furthered its goals of creating a society in which all people are forced into the roles we’ve been discussing.
Roe V Wade has been overturned, stealing bodily autonomy from girls and women. When the announcement was made, the evangelical world cheered. This was the goal they’d been working towards since abortion was made legal in the first place.
In many states here in the USA, it is illegal to seek gender affirming care.
In preparation for a victorious election for the Trump administration, The Heritage Foundation has even created a playbook that shows how they plan to change the fundamentals of how the US federal government operates to further Christian nationalist agendas:
As the leader of the Center for Renewing America, Project 2025 contributor Russell Vought has spearheaded an effort to instill precepts of Christian nationalism into government and public life should Trump win a second term. In a 2021 opinion piece, Vought wrote Christian nationalism "recognizes America as a Christian nation" but makes "a commitment to an institutional separation between church and state, but not the separation of Christianity from its influence on government and society." For Vought, "Christians are under assault" and he sought to use his regular contacts with Trump to "elevate Christian nationalism as a focal point" should Trump be re-elected as President of the United States. Vought has close ties with another former Trump administration official, Christian nationalist William Wolfe, who, in an online manifesto, seeks to implement a Bible-based system of government whereby "Christ-ordained civil magistrates" exercise authority over the American public.[62]
Former Christian nationalist Brad Onishi, who now studies religion and extremism, noted in February 2024 that Lance Wallnau of the New Apostolic Reformation, who has said Trump was "anointed," had recently announced he was partnering with Charlie Kirk, a Project 2025 member. Onishi observed that Speaker of the House Mike Johnson has direct ties to the New Apostolic Reformation.
In this day and age, the authoritarian evangelical’s political views have already been chosen for them by the powers that be. There is no room to disagree on political ideals, because in this world the political and the gospel are too intertwined to separate one from the other. True Christians must vote Republican.
Funny note to add to this: I’m Canadian (as you may have suspected from the extra “u” in some words). The version of evangelicalism I followed in Canada was pretty damn similar to American evangelicalism, right down to the expectation of unquestioned loyalty for whoever was the Republican president and the expectation to hate whoever to Democratic candidate might be.
I even experienced pressure from my own Canadian church leaders to vote for conservative candidates in Canada under the idea that we were somehow voting in God’s will.
(I haven’t voted for a conservative politician in far too many years to count. So clearly, I’m hellhound).
Whiteness Is Centered, Effectively Silencing All Other Voices
Have you ever noticed that authoritarian evangelicalism is an extremely white world? That’s not an accident. With very few exceptions, authoritarian evangelical leaders are white men.
Historian and author Kristin Kobes Du Mez ties it all together: the complementarianism, the rigid understanding of morality and behavior, and white supremacy:
“By the 1970s, we see this alliance developing because they have these shared cultural values - right? - the shared cultural identity of gender traditionalism, of, you know, white patriarchal authority.
And this particular masculinity, as we see it evolve over the last half-century or more, is closely linked to Christian nationalism - right? - to this idea that America is God's nation and this mythical notion, and we have to somehow return it to this mythical greatness and to this mythical goodness. And so Christian men and strong men and white men have this special role to play to keep America strong. And you do that by keeping it Christian. You keep it moral, according to, you know, their understanding of morality. And you keep it strong in terms of a very strong military defense. And these things come together, and then they're going to unite conservative evangelicals with conservative Catholics with secular conservatives.” - Kristin Kobes Du Mez, The NPR Podcast, For White Evangelicals, The Identity Is About More Than Religious Faith
R. Scott Okamoto, author and podcast host (who we interviewed last year on the Survivors Discuss Podcast - go check out!), pointed out that as evangelicalism has centered whiteness, it also pushed BIPOC people to the margins to fight it out over who gets to take up space:
“Evangelicalism being what it is, it’s always kind of 100 years behind the rest of the times, and so when you talk about diversity and multiculturalism in the church… it pits all of the BIPOC folks against each other to fight over what little space we’re afforded and it negates the histories of, not just Asian Americans, but everyone.” - R. Scott Okamoto, Survivors Discuss Podcast Episode 4: Christianity, Race and White Supremacy – The lived experience and the road to anti-racism
The system is set up to center white cisgender men as our leaders, our protectors, our teachers, our gods. Which puts everyone else in a situation to have to blindly trust that they have our best interests at heart and will never confuse the voice of God for their own ego-driven agendas.
What is that if not a childlike faith?
Okay, But What Does This Have To Do With Infantilization?
And this brings us right back to infantilization of evangelicals that I mentioned at the start of this post.
A normal part of human development is that of individuation. It’s a phase most people go through in their teens. Coincidentally, that phase of life is thought of as one of the hardest times to parent children. Suddenly your baby, once so agreeable and compliant, now has thoughts, feelings, and convictions of their own that are bumping up against yours.
I would contend that, in the authoritarian evangelical system, adherents are actively paused in their development to never fully reach that phase.
So much of the the child-rearing methods in this movement label normal child behavior as sinful and parents are told to break the grip of those sinful impulses from their babies. For Jesus, of course.
Here are just a few examples:
“Parents tend to see their children’s behavior in very naive terms. We see the fight over a toy as simply a fight over a toy, when actually it is a failure to prefer others. It is selfishness. It is saying to others, “I don’t care about what your wishes are; I want to have what I want.” It is a determination to live in the world in a way that exploits every opportunity to serve oneself.” - Ted Tripp, Shepherding A Child’s Heart
“Through their “No Greater Joy Ministries,” Michael and Debi Pearl teach a method of child discipline that centers around “breaking a child’s will.” The Pearls advocate using switches on babies and young as six months, and spanking older children with belts and plumbing tubes. Their book, To Train Up a Child has sold hundreds of thousands of copies and, under the guise of “biblical discipline,” encourages parents to beat their children into submission, withhold food, and hose them down outside when they soil themselves.” - Rachel Held Evans, The abusive teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl
In this clip, Voddie Baucham teaches that children “desperately need to be spanked,” and “they need to be spanked often.” He specifically singles out infants and toddlers, going so far as to advocate for “an all day session” of spanking to wear out the child to to teach them to avoid sinning.
Read the full transcript and post on the Homeschoolers Anonymous website.
Ted Tripp sums up the concern within this system of what could happen if parents did not discipline unwanted behavior out of their children:
“When we allow our children to become independent decision makers we give them a false idea of liberty and a mistaken notion about freedom.” - Ted Tripp, Shepherding A Child’s Heart
The goal of discipline isn’t to help children become fully independent. It’s to ensure that they don’t become too independent. They must learn to rely upon the code of morality taught to them by their parents and community. They need to learn that they need their God-appointed leaders to keep them safe in the fold. And they must fear for their very salvation and safety if they should ever stray into the outside world.
The end result is that children who have independent thought beaten and punished out of them can never fully individuate. They know in their bones that individuation is dangerous and unsafe.
What Are We Supposed To Take Away From All This?
There is a reason why Donald Trump became the face of conservative evangelicalism in 2016 and remains so up to present day There is also a reason why the QAnon conspiracy theories took off like wildfire within the evangelical world.
When you’re inside of a system that has taken away:
Your ability to be connected to your own body and sexuality
Your ability to discover and use your own unique gifts and strengths, regardless of gender
Your ability to form your own opinions and beliefs
you are being groomed to distrust yourself and to listen when your strong authoritative leaders tell you to trust them as they lead you down one treacherous path after another. You do not have the ability to question what they are teaching you. Every part of your experience within this movement has slowly taken away the tools that might have otherwise shielded you from manipulative or exploitive behaviour.
This form of evangelicalism has robbed its followers of the ability to grow and individuate to be able to think for themselves and form their own opinions. Like perpetual children, they will always be looking to pulpits and books to tell them what God expects of them, rather than trusting that they can have instant access to God and the ability to trust when their instincts are shouting at them that something is very very wrong.
How was that for a first post? If you made it all the way to the end: *high five* you are one of my people!
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Until next time, take care friends!